Balancing on the edge of reality
by Uncommonly-Common
Summary: We all know that River couldn't be simply left on a shelf like a book. But when she's back the real problems happen or maybe they aren't problems at all.. Complete AU. Might contain minor spoilers for all episodes that included River Song.
1. Prologue

This is completly AU type of story. My try at Library fix it. Enjoy!  
_

It's not easy to have two different names. Connected with two different appearances. It's not easy to become a daughter if you had never really been one. It's not easy to be married to the man you were supposed to kill. It's not easy to met him time after time and see less love and more distance in his eyes. It's not easy to pay sentence for a crime you didn't committed.

It's easy to die. Be sleepless for ages and then fall into the darkness. That's dying. Dying in virtual world is even easier. You just have to make a decision. So why? Why hasn't she done that already? What she was doing now, what she was now was ridiculous hanging between. For someone like her it was fate far worse than death. Beside that, it wouldn't be the first time she died. She did that after escaping the Silence then because Adolf was a lousy shoot. At least to save her husband. His future and her own past. She sure knew that dying didn't hurt more than looking at him when he didn't recognized her. He looked at her, he looked through her… and it was done. She knew that it wasn't him, but someone clearly different. He may be the Doctor only not her Doctor. Life without him and adventures wasn't worth living.

So why bother to wait? She knew it was impossible to rescue her. Because either way he would tried. She had read all books written. Why did she still believe he will get her back, that she will get him back. Even Doctor isn't capable of giving her new fully organic body… Fully organic body. But right now she didn't need one. Yet. Firstly she had to escape the Library. And she might have an idea how. Thanks goods, that person whose assistance she needed prefers digital information above written. (His lose if somebody ask her but probably her best chance.) She only has to write a message. She spent so much time here that working out the system even alerted by Doctor didn't take long. Now there was only waiting.

It's good thing that consciousness doesn't get older. She doesn't get older like that. She doesn't have to worry she will look like old, dry, granny when they met again. Finally it happened. Answer to her message. **"Dangerous adventure. Impossible quest. Good pay. I'm definitely in. But why do you need Dalek?"**

 _Should I continue? Should I leave it? Let me know what you think._


	2. Deadly machine inside deadly machine

_Well here we are. Proper chapter one. Hope you will enjoy it._

 _Answer to her message. "Dangerous adventure. Impossible quest. Good pay. I'm definitely in. But why do you need Dalek?"_

After a while next message came **" I will take a risk. Dalek on its way"** It's show time.

Trusting people was never her thing. It was heaven mercy that this time it was her who needed to be trusted or she might give up already. She knew, that CAL knew what she was planning to do and she didn't approve even a bit. One chance. If she fail it will be the end of her. This time for good. She just hoped that Doctor wasn't wrong.

Dalek connected to the quarantined section. All canals opened. Line of information stabile. What she was trying to do was madness, but she wasn't known for her mental balance - so why not? Another message. **"At this end everything seems fine. Seems because I have not even faint idea what will happen. But we only live once, don't we?"** She sent her response immediately. That's it. 10..9..8... Her only hope… She will make impossible happen or she will destroy half of universe. Well perhaps that will catch Doctor attention 2..1. Send.

She opened her eyes or equivalence of it at least. It looks like she might write being electrocuted in her CV twice.  
–Hey! Do you see me? Did it worked? There is some data missing from the core, so there won't be second chance. Well?  
\- Transfer was successful.  
\- Cool. Now tell me what we do next and who are you and what the hell happened that you are running out from there in a Dalek suit?  
\- Does unlucky professor of archeology is answer satisfying enough? Not that I care. Do you have vortex manipulator?  
\- Right here.  
\- Good now I need a place to work. And you need to break in and steal something for me.  
-Sounds promising. Where to?  
\- To the most dangerous and unreachable place in time and space.  
-Can you be less specific? You know, there is at least dozen of places that universe thinks is the whole _" the most dangerous and unreachable"_ kind of place…  
\- TARDIS. Doctor's TARDIS. Doctor's _bedroom_ in his TARDIS.  
\- Whoa. You are crazy. You downloaded yourself from computer and connected with Dalek as an external drive but that tops it all. Doctor's TARDIS! And what do you want? Sonic screwdriver?  
\- Of course not. He would never part with it. I know you have a lot of respect for that man, I mean him no harm. Just listen. In Doctor's bedroom in wardrobe on the lowest shelf there is a grey box. You open it with a code I've just written for you. You will take the blue box from inside and a little extra for you then leave grey box as it was. And one more thing don't get caught or the whole deal is off. Now it would be best if we move, until you still have one shadow.

Existing inside Dalek isn't easy. Firstly to stay in control you have to be more of a deadly machine than Dalek. And you have to remember it every second or otherwise you could just start shooting at everything and consequences be damned. Just that was very tiring and she had so much more to do. It was the hardest quest in her life, and it was just the beginning. Pushing that button made it impossible to stop, to get back to the Library. She literally blew that bridge out connecting with Dalek. So she worked day after day waiting for Jack to appear. He still hasn't given her any sign. What means he hadn't get inside TARDIS. Doctor was busy. She made sure of that. Besides only Jack can break in there. Well, and she. But she doubted that Doctor will be friendly toward that can suit. She waited splitting her time between working and fighting with Dalek over control hoping that she will get a chance to reunite with her husband. She had already finished sonic screwdriver of her own design – not as complicated as Doctor's but it will do the job and vortex manipulator was ready to go for ages when finally Jack arrived.

-Box found, box stolen, box delivered. Thanks for that extra. By the way is Doctor aware he has – had I mean – one of the most expensive little something in the universe?  
\- He doesn't has, he never had, so why should he know?  
\- It's time for the next stage of that plan of yours I presume?  
\- Yes. Two more to go and we are done. This time it's about exchange. You need to find Emeret Egan. I can try to gather some intel about his whereabouts.  
-Thanks. But I know where find that douche. What do we need from him?  
-What do I need… I need a fully growth organic body made from DNA contained it that box. Delivered to the 21st. century to deposit number 11042011 in London Bank on 10/05/2013. In afternoon.  
-Why afternoon?  
-Because it will be Thursday.

_

 _Well you read it. :) Liked it? Hated it? Let me know. Also if something is unclear feel free to ask in comment below or PM me because sometimes I forget that even if something is obvious in my head I'm still the only one it there. ;)_


	3. That sort of glue

Headless monks believes that their existence continues because their minds and bodies are connected unbreakably with the use of soul. It's soul witch made person before death that in their case didn't wandered off what presumably happened to other unfortunate beings and acted like a glue of sort. So River had quite hard task in front of herself. She needed to find her soul and use it to link her mind (trapped in Dalek at the moment) to a new, never used body. She was sure that she's got better chances at building TARDIS from vacuum cleaner and custard.  
\- That's your life Melody Pond. Always skating on a thin ice. Thanks goods you love it or otherwise you will have been done with yourself ages ago.

"Body placed in vault." Now she needed to visit headless monks. And understand. Jack was busy setting up lab full of things from future and past from all around the universe. She, on the other hand had to start her way toward her redemption. 

Having knowledge of religion and theory of what you are planning to do isn't enough. She knew that even before she left Library data core. Now she has to face in her opinion the scariest thing in the universe. Depths of her own mind and all demons inside it. Understanding yourself is neither nice nor easy. Especially with past like hers but now it was her only chance to get that soul back. She has to pray, hypnotize herself and meditate. Yes, meditate inside Dalek – who has a tendency of being real jerk at those times. But she has to go through that to make sure that her soul will be present at the time of linking. Because apparently you can't put a soul inside of a box but you might try to summon it when needed.

She wasn't sure how long she's been there. It didn't matter. She travelled through time and space, she could leave iron on every time she went out and never face consequences. So staying an hour, a month, a century… same difference the point was that she learned what she needed.  
\- Hello Jack. Is everything ready?  
-As you wished Sir… Madame… neither? Have we met before?  
-Few times even.  
-So have we been formally introduced?  
-More or less. There isn't always time to shake hands when you are running from a bullets or other things. But back to important stuff. Now it's time when you become the next Frankenstein. My life is in your hands. Literally. Let's do final check. You have to be sure you will give a clean shot. Precisely thirty seconds after I finish downloading. In the center of..  
-I know where to point my gun! I'm not a blushing bride when it comes to them. You can even say I'm an expert. But are you sure…  
-No, I'm not. I'm almost as uninformed as you at the moment. But we can't let that Dalek attack. Thirty seconds, no more, no less or I don't move completely.  
-Ok. But whose body is it anyway?  
-Mine if all will go according to the plan. You start the transfer with that button, you kill Dalek, and then start unfreezing body. In that exact order. Step after step. Then you will get your money. Vortex manipulator will move you automatically no matter what happens to me. Nothing else after that should worry you. I'm starting counting. Get in position.

How lucky that Daleks' voices are automatic. He couldn't hear her fear that way. Human voice without doubt wouldn't be able to work properly now. She was one bid bundle of nerves. Showing weakness in the moment like that would be more deadly than moving consciousness. At least for her pride. And she couldn't allow that. Not now.

Pain was way more intense than with others "tryouts" of off the world. But it stopped for a single moment and she was somewhere, somehow, at some moment in time and she was trying to reach something… or someone… only she has no idea what that was. And there was only darkness left. Darkness and cold. Does that mean that she's finally dead or that she's in a frozen body, or neither of above? Through silence like a knife scream cut out  
 _ **-River!**_

Scream of a little girl and then… nothing. Silence. The creepiest kind of it. _"Procedure completed"._ At that River takes deep breath, as deep as she could, as it was her first. And in a way it was. She has lungs again! And legs and arms and… yes… all of her crazy curly hair back in its place. Ladies, gentlemen and other humanoids River Song is back. And what a comeback it is. Now everything will be alright. She only needed to step into time line in good moment for her husband to catch her and everything will be… but that scream. Child scream. Was that illusion? Truth? Lie? An attempt to stop her? Or just long lost memory? Did she scream? Or was it Melody Pond? Perhaps it was some other unfortunate soul. Should she worry about that? Should she forget? Forget. Why does she has a feeling that she forget something… someone even?  
-Oh get a grip River! – she yelled at herself.  
-Doctor. You need to find Doctor and get back to the TARDIS. That should clean your head just right… and help you understand who screamed. No, wait. No. No scream. TARDIS, your Doctor, Amy and Rory. Nothing else matters to you.

So why does she feel like part of her has died, when she was supposed to reborn and be finally complete?


	4. How childish of him

She put a diary on a console. It was risky but she believed it wasn't too early for that. She hoped she get coordination's right. Doctor's library was perfect place to start looking for a new adventures. But she surprised even herself with just deciding to stop for a while. She sat lazy for hours in a big comfy chair drinking tea and reading. Yes, she broke out of The Library and was spending her time in another one. Talk about perversity of faith. She wasn't sure why she was here. Was she afraid of another almost death? Or that this time it won't be almost? Doctor heaven knows why hid himself somewhere and Old Box thought it would be best not to interrupt him. For now at least. She could wait. No more being in the wrong order. Now they have all the time in the world.

-Breaking in here was a huge mistake. I don't know how you managed to do that but you should know that you can't surprise Doctor twice. And I almost caught you last time. I don't know what you want but if you ruin my fez again…

Doctor stopped in midsentence and air almost cracked with electricity when TARDIS felt anger of her thief. Without doubt there was a speech coming.

-That's enough. I hoped we could find solution fella. Part our ways in peace. You know? But you force me to do things I don't want to do, you force me to be aggressive, and I don't like being aggressive or forced into anything. So please before your end comes tell me. Please, tell me why. Why did you take the most stupid step in your whole life and dared to touch the only thing in time and space that neither past, future or present god wouldn't dare to touch knowing that my revenge will be very, very clever and painful. How dare you touch that diary?!  
\- Two things sweetie. Firstly, last time I checked I was still a woman – no some fella. Of course I don't deny breaking and entering. And it's my diary and YOU are not allowed to touch it. Not that I don't appreciate how dedicated you sounded to protecting it. You really are sentimental idiot.  
-River! But how... you… me… CAL… you… that chair… Oh I get it now. You are a hallucination. I'm finally insane. I knew it was coming. Sooner or later. I'd prefer later but you can't choose the time when you will go whacko…

He started babbling and she needed to stop him right now. Well it wasn't the first thing she had on mind when she will get chance to touch him again. But situation demanded it. So she slapped him.

\- Ouch! What was that for?!  
\- I only wanted to assure you that you aren't insane and I'm really here.  
-Couldn't you do something nicer?  
-I thought that showing you immediately was our priority. – she said innocently.  
\- If that was the case you wouldn't be smirking that way.  
-Oh sweetie. You underestimate me. – River took step forward. Now their breaths were mingling. She looked him straight into eyes and said.  
\- And that may be your biggest mistake. – with that she kissed him. With all she had. She put everything in that kiss. Anger, joy, longing. Perhaps it was too much for him to bear or maybe he still believed she was hallucination but the important thing was that she kissed him and he fainted.

Looking at him was hard. He changed. Not his face per se but… He still was the Doctor. He just didn't seem to be the man she married. He had even more demons than before. For him Darillium couldn't be earlier than few weeks ago but maybe for him she was dead from their first meeting. Was that possible that he never loved her? That their relationship was a lie? He was just thanking her for saving him and Donna Noble. After all he never did say goodbye to her. Well that laid shadow on her plan. She doesn't want to bound him to herself because of guilt and him feeling responsible for not saving her. It'd made both of them miserable. She needed to be strong. He mustn't see her pain. So she needed to calm down before he wakes up. Yes, still passed out on a floor. How childish of him. He wasn't that bad even that time in Vienna when…

-I see you are conscious now. Are you going to stand up anytime soon?  
-Nope. I'm good here. I think I'm gonna lay here for a minute or so. – he crossed his arms over head and lay on them.  
-How did you even managed to leave? I tried everything… everything… River, my River… It's… -

Doctor stopped and sat abruptly. He looked really pale and scared. Like he was going to sword fight with pencil and not sonic pencil even just regular one. Finally he swallowed and said so quiet that she almost didn't catch his words.

-We have to tell your parents and Amy will kill me.


	5. Strong in your blood

_**Hello everybody if you are still reading this story. :)** This chapter is for  Kate a very good friend of mine who is simply fantastic. :D And patient with me and nice enough to not to try to kill me for all my whining and all other crazy things I've been doing recently. You are an angel. Really, really. So here we go._

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

-No we don't. I mean I've just got back. I'm not ready… I just…  
-Are you weak? You feel unwell? You want me to go out of vortex? Is it bad for your health?  
-No… I… Wouldn't that be too hard? For all of us. I mourned them. And they… - she paused and asked with worry at his look:  
-Doctor?  
-It's nothing but they sort of didn't. I mean they would but I sort of never had time to tell them. There was never a good moment.  
-You didn't tell them?! You didn't tell my parents I was dead?! That's cold. Even for you.  
-In the Library you said you didn't have many family left. So I thought It would happen after their… you know… and after all is for the best. They needn't have to worry. Since you are back and all… right?  
\- I still think we should wait before talking with them.  
-Wait. It's strong in your blood, isn't it? The need to wait. You Ponds always want to wait. It's brilliant. You are all, but I still don't get how you manage that… but I guess we could wait.  
-Don't get me wrong sweetie but I'd rather wait alone. I only wanted to take some of my things and see you. Show you that I'm not longer… inside that. Everything is so hard. So different now. But still in a way the same. There is so many things I need to understand before everything will be ok again.  
-Yeah. Of course. If that's what you want. But If you need me you know for anything…  
-I know. I probably should…

And then the whole TARDIS shake abruptly y .

-What… what was that?  
-It's TARDIS.  
-Thank you Mr. Obvious! We are in vortex it must be TARDIS because there is nothing else in here! What have you done to her? Hmm? You were tinkering with something you shouldn't am I right, or am I right? How could you fly her back and forth across the universe and still have no bloody idea how to do that properly?  
\- It's not me! – Doctor protested. – It's her! You know her. Sometimes she get her moods. Like that time in Vienna in the 19th century. Wait you know about Vienna? Wait don't answer it. You know. You couldn't have done Library… How? I mean you were an echo River. I've tried everything. I failed. Every time. Again and again. It doesn't make sense. Unless…

River stopped him before next crazy speech.

-No. I'm not an illusion, hallucination, Ganger, Cyberman, Teselecta, or any other robot!

That man. He flustered her so much that sometimes she wanted to scream, and it wasn't the good kind of scream this time. So she screamed at him just to calm herself down.

-Easy. Easy. I believe you. I think. How could you swear like that in Gallifreyan by the way? Even I can't do it like that. Are you going to explain who teached you that?  
-No. I'm not going to. It's not on my 'to do list'. Could you just open that box and let me out, please?  
-No. I mean I'd love to. Really. But you know it doesn't work like that. It's safety protocol. We are moving but the TARDIS has closed herself. No way in, no way out. We have to wait until she lets us out.  
-She let us out? And how long it will be?  
-River. You know her… I could try to guess where she might land but she will change her route. We have to wait. But if you want to be alone I will get lose somewhere. There is a lot of rooms in here. I won't bother you.

And with that he left her in the control room. She missed a bit the moments when he was so worried he would never let her out of his sight. But now he trusted her. Does that mean that they are linear now? And what does he mean telling that Amy will kill him?

He wasn't sure if he was crazy enough already to believe that. There were many who would try to trick him like that, but she was here. He wanted it to be true. Not one of his rare dreams. River. His River. Impossible Professor Song. Brave Melody Pond. His beautiful wife. But how? How could she be back. He lost her so long ago. Even before he understood how lucky he was to have her. How much he loved her. He often told his companions about these impossible situations. About miracles. It looked like this time finally after all this time he has gotten one. And he couldn't ask for better one.

His thoughts were interrupted by someone entering room.

\- You must really be freaked out because of this situation. You NEVER use your study.  
\- You know what they say about saying never. For example someone once told me that I'll never get my wife back.  
-Well then it looks there is another thing to say then 'Sometimes even Doctor is wrong'. And I've got help. That will be my last secret. I can't tell you. Not this. You are stubborn and impatient you will try to rush things up. And then the plan will fall. It will be too early. I won't be ready.  
-Right. But it will be last one.  
-So if we are stabile now and TARDIS still hasn't landed… Do you have any books outside your library?  
-Books?! I thought you'll have enough of them for eternity give or take four days. What books do you need? Oh, no. I know that look. You are about to say 'Spoilers'. No more secrets. You promised.  
-Only that last one. And it's part of it.


	6. Wishing upon a stars

Hello. It's anybody still out here? If there is I'm sorry for not uploading earlier but life happened and well I don't have better excuse than that. If there isn't well I don't blame you I would also give up on starting author with story with average plot who doesn't update for month (!I have no idea when that month passed!) But I promised myself I will complete it so here I am. This one is for YOU, if you are willing to give me and this work our second chance. So enjoy and whoever you are have a great day.

.

Scream. River still couldn't forget about it. After most of her life as a Silence puppet even a simple scream could made her sleepless. There just wasn't explanation for that. She obviously couldn't ask Doctor. One of the Headless Monks might have answer but she couldn't contact them now. Not until TARDIS opened herself. Unless… Dorium was once connected with ship so maybe his trace will be strong enough to feel his memories. Living inside computer gave her advantage in situations like that. TARDIS always liked her and now she could almost talk with her matrix. She focused hard… and nothing. Trace was too weak. She has to wait. She couldn't blame Doctor without telling him first so she decided to take in on the ship.

\- Oh you bloody old box! You are a ship! You can't just kidnap me and give me no answers!

That's when she heard TARDIS landing – with breaks on. And her screams were answered with delicate cares of the ship that felt almost like she was saying 'Don't worry. It all will be answered when the time comes.' She ran to the control room. Doctor was already fumbling along consol.

-Where are we?  
\- On Rorre.  
-No we are not. No. Check again. We are certainly not. We can't be here. It's locked time. It's against the rules. And besides this place doesn't exist.  
-Well it used to. You know, it had to, to have a name. I'm not sure if we are not a paradox here…  
-Of course we are! You can't be here. I'm not allowed to exist in dimension like this.  
-So will you explain why exactly we are here and why the door just opened?  
-Why should I know? It's your circus!  
-Why should I know? – he mocked her. – And even if I do know, I could be wrong… right?  
\- Oh, stop sulking. What was that?

Quiet voice ran through TARDIS.

-Good morning. It's TARDIS right? I'm looking for a Doctor. I need his help. I lost somebody…

There was a child standing across from them. Doctor was first to get over his surprise. He asked briskly?!

-Who are you? And how did you get in there?  
\- I'm Sophie. Aged four. I came by door. Are you the Doctor?

-Yes, he is. – woman answered when she get her voice back.- But you shouldn't seek for him all alone. Where are your parents?  
-That's why I came. It's complicated. My mum disappeared. Literally.

She turned her head to the side and looked at River intensely.  
-Excuse me… but have we met before? You look really familiar. Like I've already seen you.

The Doctor was first to answer.

-Maybe it was on some "wanted dead or alive" poster or something like that.  
-Oh That's just pure slander and besides I've never been here in life. My fame even as big as it is doesn't reach that far. I'd have heard about it. I keep tabs on all glorious stories about my adventures.  
\- No it's not about her looks. It's… She's kind like River but that's impossible.  
-Like who?! – both of them asked at once in disbelieve.  
-Yeah. That's when things get complicated. I don't know who River is. I mean, I know. Sort of. I'm not sure where I should start.  
\- At the beginning would be just fine with me. – Doctor said.

 _The War has started. I don't remember it. I was very little. My father wasn't a warrior. Simple citizen. But when army was out of soldiers every man had to fight. Mother used to say he shouldn't be chosen. He was sick. Too slow, too weak. He died three days after joining the army, but not during fight. He was stabbed in his back when he was asleep. Nobody knew why._  
 _After that my mother always was quiet. We moved to my grandmas' place. She took care of me. Mother only looked at the sea. She had those big grey eyes but sometimes I thought they couldn't see. They were hollow. Some time ago grandma passed away. She looks after me from above. Once I missed her so much that I wished upon a stars to send me somebody who will love me like she did. Then something strange happened to mother. She was burning up. She screamed over and over again for somebody to leave her. Just leave. And then one day she stopped. When I woke up next day she seemed fine but for a moment I thought she doesn't recognize me. After that she started to tell me fairytales and make pancakes with blueberries and we would go to long walks and she was telling me about stars and adventures and Doctor. A madman in a blue box. A hero. She didn't behave like old mother and her eyes weren't empty anymore. That woman looked like my mother but she wasn't her. I think she knew I knew because after a while she told me to call her River if that would be easier. Truth to be told it didn't matter to me. We were happy. We have each other and that was enough. But one day she disappeared. Melted into thin air. She was standing in a kitchen and a light started to come out of her and it became brighter and brighter and I couldn't look at it. And then she just wasn't there anymore. I tried to find her but she never came back. I screamed but nobody was there to hear. I can't find her on my own. So I begged the stars to send me a Doctor. And here you are._

-Will you help me?  
-Of course, but first you must show me where she disappeared . Lead the way and we will follow in a minute.

When Sophie walked outside the ship Doctor grabbed his wife hand and started:  
-So…  
-No. I've never been her in my life and I don't know that child and I never disappeared from any kitchen before.  
-Well I was going to say that I never saw you as pancakes type but I appreciate that you feel a need a explain yourself to me  
-Oh shut up.  
-Make me. 


	7. Risotto on the Moon

They followed Sophie to the kitchen and Doctor started taking readings with his sonic screwdriver.  
-So – the child started. – You never introduced yourself. I'm Sophie and you are…?  
-Professor Song. Archeology.  
\- Hmm archeologists are fine but professor is not a name, right? I know there is a Doctor but his name is a secret. Is your name secret too?  
-No, it's not. My parents named me Melody Pond, but I'm professor so I introduce myself as one..  
-Wait a minute! You just said Pond and before you said Song? Are you a lair? I don't like them. They lie all the time.  
-Well Pond it's my mother maiden name. I use it from time to time but people mostly know me as professor Song, and again why I'm even explaining myself.

Doctor crouched down next to girl and said in mock whisper:  
-It's her new way of being. She tries to explain herself on every step. It clearly is a brand new Ri…  
Doctor paused and straightened himself ending quickly to mask his slip.  
-Risotto is famishing especially on the Moon, especially in 34th century. Have you ever tried it? No? Only me? What a shame! We should go there then, or better stay inside the TARDIS, the fumes. Do you think they deliver?

Sophie looked at him like he just grew himself a second head but she was also a bit curious about it all. River only rolled her eyes. After so many years she was used to Doctor and his way of being.

After a second girl smiled widely and said.  
\- Please, don't take it wrong Doctor but I think you are a bit crazy.  
River coughed at that and it kind of sounded like 'only a bit?' but Doctor decided to ignore it and instead he said mostly to his wife  
-Well do you want to hear something really crazy? In that kitchen Time Lord regenerated about from 5 to 16 hours ago.  
-But it was white light, not the orange one! – Sophie protested. – I'm not a baby anymore. I know how regeneration looks like.  
-Should I bother asking where 4 year old can watch regenerations to recognize one later?  
-Rorre Ri… Melody. Rorre. Things like this happens here.

Girl who was feed up with grown-ups talk asked impatiently  
-So are we going to look for her or what?  
-Yes. We are. You… Well you don't.  
-But I have to…!

-Doctor, we can't leave her on her own she's still a child.  
-Oh come on. We will get back in the exact…  
-How? You didn't bring us here who knows if we will be able to come here again. And besides you never make it on time.  
-I'm always where and when I need to be, thank you very much.  
-If you say so sweetie, but if we manage to get back I will be a bloody miracle and I'm not sure if I believe in them. – With that she ended their talk and then she focused on Sophie – Come on kid . It's time for your big adventure. But first, when did you eat?  
-Who has time to eat if there are other things to do, worlds to save, places to see and adventures to have? So where are we going?

Doctor was about to respond her but River was faster this time.

-I need to talk with somebody who might be able to understand what's happening.  
-Understand what? – Doctor asked – And who could know? I mean beside me, not that I know of course… but how could I?  
-Dorium. He knows a lot. He might know how she same here and why. She doesn't have any regeneration energy left. There isn't any black hole near so she is from this reality and we both know that it seems impossible.  
Sophie who was busy touching the console with fear and excitement stopped. She looked at them with shock written all over her face.  
-Do you know River?  
-Yes. As a matter of fact I do know her very well. She killed me. Twice.  
-What do you mean by "killed you"? You are standing here and you are alive.  
-Spoilers. Why Dorium?  
\- Maybe he will know why she appeared here. How she even managed to. You know, he hears stuff.

Child interrupted them again  
-Why do you keep saying it like it was something hard to do?  
-Well… isn't it?  
-Nope. You are both here.  
-It's… It's complicated.  
-So is life Doctor.  
-You know young one, you are too cleaver for your own good. You may make yourself some enemies with attitude like that.  
\- Like you did Doctor?

At that River laughed and he was so taken aback with it he forgot to make some sort of cleaver comeback at the kid. In his timeline it was 173 years 4 months and 3 days since he last heard her laugh. And he had no idea how he could have lived without it before. But if he will admit it, River without doubt would call him sentimental idiot. So it's better to play it safe. He will pretend to be offended for that opinion. Even if she might be right.

-Oh you are as horrible as she is. – saying that he pointed at his wife and asked her - Why have I even agreed to this?  
-You had no choice. You were over voted. 3 to 1 and you know it.  
-Sometimes I really hate you.  
-No. You don't.


	8. Marshmallow tower

_**Guess who? ;) Yes (unfortunately?) it's me again. Me and another weirdly named chapter of mine always all mistakes are mine.**_

-So where to? – asked Sophie excited and tried to grab one of the levers but Doctor stopped her and moved her away from the console.  
-I'm going to Dorium. The two of you. I don't know go somewhere. It's bigger on the inside I'm sure there has to be childproof room in there. Or just don't touch anything and look impressed.  
-But Doctor. The TARDIS was supposed to be piloted by 6 people.  
\- For centuries I managed on my own. It doesn't matter to me if there was supposed to be 10 of them. She's mine. I fly her.  
-Oh come on! We could help you. Right professor Song?  
-Maybe next time kido. I think you should eat some breakfast. How about oatmeal?  
-Bleh. How about pancakes?  
\- I will see what I can do but I warn you I've never been able to flip them properly.  
-Don't worry I will teach you. Oh, and Doctor. Don't leave the breaks on. You will scare everyone no matter where you will be landing. It's better to surprise them.  
-Says who?  
-Says River.

Sophie. Aged four. He didn't see that one coming. Where? Why? How? Her history must be connected with Rivers. But there wasn't any sensible explanation or even theory to connect it all. Was it possible that Dorium knew more than him? And why River thought so? Oh that woman. She always gives him headache.

He landed and wet to find them. Ship directed him to the kitchen and he stopped in a doorway. Explosion. Something must have gone out in the kitchen. It was the only explanation for what he was seeing now. Dust everywhere. Dust of… flour?

\- What exactly happened here?  
\- And what does it looks like? We are making pancakes sweetie.  
-Pancakes. Of course. And what about that explosion and war that taken part before making pancakes?  
\- Don't exaggerate. There is no need for your dramatics. We split a little bit of flour…  
\- A little bit? This room can't be cleaned, I would have to delete it. And where did you even found so much flour?  
-Oh shut up. I will clean it up in a moment.  
-You?  
-Yes, me. So impossible?  
-Yes. I mean no… I mean… I didn't mean it like that! Stop it. You ask questions in that way and whatever I respond it sounds bad. Of course you could clean but… but…  
-You are his wife, aren't you? – Sophie asked. It sounded almost innocent but there was something in her voice. Amy used to talk like that before she laughed at him.  
-What gave you that impression? Not that I'm saying you are right.  
-You know. The way she talks to you sometimes. Like you were a bad behaving puppy or something.

Brilliant now even children were making fun of him. Wasn't he supposed to be a great Time Lord? They should have respect him. Maybe even fear him. He destroyed his whole race! It was the face. He was sure of it. Nobody takes you seriously when you have a face of a 12 year old.  
Sophie obviously dropped the subject because she was again questioning River.

-Professor Song, do you know how to fly a TARDIS?  
-Yes, I do.  
-Has the Doctor taught you?  
-Nope. TARDIS did.  
-You really are cool. Mrs. Song. Will you tell me something more about your archeology work?  
-Perhaps latter. Now eat up grown-ups need to talk.  
\- But I want pancakes too! – Doctor protested.  
-Stop whining, and at least pretend you are an adult.

They went outside the room so the girl couldn't hear them, but to be close enough to still keep an eye on her.

\- So I guess we are here?  
-Yes. I' ve just parked her but it's dangerous place. You should stay inside.  
\- No, I really don't. But you should. There is no need to bring attention to this case and if you will show up… You know. So you will stay with Sophie and I will talk with Dorium. And then we will see where we go from that.  
-What. River that's crazy.  
-Oh sweetie, crazy doesn't even begin to cover it. Now off with you. Go eat those pancakes or something.

She pushed him in direction of kitchen and gave him her best 'I'm the boss here, don't mess with me' face. And he simply couldn't stop himself in that moment. It was like all thoughts left his head and the next thing he know, he was kissing her. He was kissing her like he wanted to from the moment he saw her in his TARDIS. Like it was the last time he was ever going to kiss her. Like he kissed her on their wedding. One of his hands was resting on her hip. The other was lost in her magnificent curls. Well if he was going to die at this exact moment. He would have died happy. After a while the need for oxygen was to serve to continue, they parted.  
-Not, that it wasn't nice, but why did you do that?  
\- Oh so now I need reason to kiss my beautiful wife? Not funny at all. – Doctor tried to lighten the mood joking.  
-Of course you don't need it. But you aren't usually the 'hands on' type.  
\- Well, what can I say. Professor Song. You always bring up the worst in me.  
He smacked him in the arm for that one. And walked away. But she smiled so he know she wasn't angry at him. Well now he couldn't let all those pancakes go to waste. Could he?

-So pancakes. Pancakes are cool.  
-Where did Mrs. Song go?  
\- To do some boring stuff that grown-ups do. But the more important thing is that everything that is cool is still here. So what do you want to do? Something that doesn't involve time travel for now 'cause we can't leave until she gets back.

Sophie furrowed her brow and thought for a minute.

-Can we build a fort? Like a tree house. With tower but hidden, so we can use water pistols and with swing on the side because I like swings and could we build the tower with marshmallows? That way we could eat it when we will be hungry and we should play with puppy! Puppies are cool! Oh and can I have a milkshake? A chocolate one. Chocolate is yummy.

Whoa. Last time he checked kids those days still needed to breath. But this one talked like she didn't have to. That's strange. And fascinating. And she was still waiting for his answer. Well he could think about it later. He is good at multitasking.

-You can talk really fast. But I'm a good listener. And I think we have milkshake machine from 69th century laying somewhere. Come along and let the fun begin.

 _ **I hope you enjoyed it. We are getting to the good stuff now I promise. Or what I think is a good stuff anyway. Next part is the piece that started it all. I already rewritten it dozens of times and I'm finally satisfied with it. That's is until I look at it again and decide it still isn't it. Anyway it will be posted tomorrow or at Sunday and if everything goes to the plan we will have Ponds in here before New Year**_ _ **. Who's excited? I certainly am because only then I will fell like it started for good. Also I would really appreciate it if you would leave some comments bellow. You know it doesn't have to be long. Just tell me what you like, what you don't so for the future I will now how to improve myself. By the way I wonder if anybody at all reads my notes. Never mind. Have a good day.**_


	9. Balancing on the edge of reality

Meanwhile at the catacombs River was walking slowly through the halls. She's already passed dozens of traps and only god know how many were still ahead of her. Church always was a little bit crazy about their secrets. She wasn't sure if leaving Doctor with Sophie inside TARDIS was good idea but for now it has to be enough. There was something strange about that child. But in a good way. Or so she thought. Finally she came to stop. Boxes in front of her were sign that she was in the right place. She opened the one containing head of Maldovar.

-Hello Dorium.  
\- Professor Song. I must say I'm surprised. For a while I was sure that this body is lost forever. And that would be shame – it's a good body.  
-Charming like always but unfortunately I don't have time for flirting today. So down to business. Something strange happened. I'm not sure if you are aware of that but I left The Library with help of our mutual friends – the Monks. Recently I meet a girl. A girl who believes she met me in different body and saw me disappear along with that body. Tell me, how was that possible?  
\- Well, you' ve taken your soul back so the body it was inside at the moment disappeared because it was no longer needed. I presume.  
\- But how? How could I have been there?! And besides bodies don't 'pull Houdini' just because.  
-You really want to know? I warn you, you might regret it.  
\- Oh just tell me already!

Time Lords leave behind them a trace. It's like a small hole in a reality. You aren't full one. You never was. So it was impossible for you to leave trace like that. You couldn't make it whole. It ran away it the universe. Tinny pieces of you trough time and space. They started to connect with other souls. The weak ones. Souls that can be pushed outside their bodies eventually. From what I know, you've been doing it for ages. There was never body good enough, strong enough to contain you. They always vanished when you worn them out. You were too powerful for them. More than human can bear. And don't give me that look, I didn't made that up.

-That sounds crazy! How could you possibly know what I was? What I was apparently doing?  
\- Well my dear this is hardly the first time you came to me with your little dilemma. From tinny pieces you told me, I' ve been able to make a whole story. And what exclusive story that is. The story of the most deadly parasite in the universe.  
-You can't be right. I was in CAL's world the whole time. I can't be at two places at once!

-I'm not sure how to tell you that. Perhaps this will settle it all. You inside computer was just saved memory of that woman. Not a real person at all…

She couldn't listen to that anymore so she run back to the TARDIS. She followed the humming sound of the ship matrix because her eyes were full of tears. He can't be right. He just can't. She was real. She felt real even it that world. She always was and will be River Song. She WAS Melody Pond and he couldn't take that from her. Not like that.

" _You aren't real. You never was. You were an echo. Digital information. You shouldn't have left Library. You- the 'saved' you – become real when it connected itself with the soul of REAL River Song. Soul that's been running across the universe for centuries. But now think about something. Does it feel like you are real if you know that you weren't from the beginning?_

She entered the ship, and then stormed through old oak door that fortunately appeared in the corridor. TARDIS moved her room here. She closed them after her and collapsed on her knees. And let tears freely flew down her checks. He can't be right. She would have remembered, right? She tried to calm down and focus on her memories. They should be here if anything really happened. Right there. She felt something strange and TARDIS was trying to stop her but she pushed on that improper part of her mind. And then it was like something have been broken. All the felling and memories entered her mind and once. Every second of the life her souls had been living all that time. Everyone she met. Everyone she hurt. All of this was slowly making its way to the surface of her mind. All that pain. All that sorrow. It was suffocating.

Her vision was changing. Once sharp and then fuzzy. She heard clear voices then just thuds. Thousands of screams. Thousands of whispers. Her state was impossible and only somebody who can answer 'yes' to oncoming question, can say they understand what she felt at that moment. So dear reader.

Have you ever founded yourself balancing on the edge of reality hopping that somebody in this horrid big cold universe loves you enough to catch you?


	10. Bones will heal with time

When she came back to her senses, she was laying on the floor with her hearths running like crazy. As fast as she managed to find her balance she run to bathroom to throw up. When her stomach was finally empty she sat heavily on the floor. He was telling the truth. She was parasite. She killed Sophie's mother for god's sake. This little girl was orphan now. And was looking for her. Her own life was messed up and all and currently she obviously was doing mess of others life too. She remembers her now, that little girl with wide curious eyes and bright smile, and she didn't know how she could have forgotten her in a first place. Relationship she had with Doctor was too crazy to even consider having a baby. With all the running and Stormcage and all the universe and its troubles. She was always on a pill and she wasn't even sure if they were compatible. Sophie was her child in a way. They spend half of year together. The funny thing is that it was only period of her life when she wasn't running. She didn't go to Dorium for help. She was happy there. With Sophie as her only companion. No adventures. No monsters. Average life that could have belonged to Melody Williams if it weren't for Silence. But only now she understood how sick her plans were. Raising a child of woman you killed. That would be just… wrong. She felt like throwing up again just thinking about it. Here she was. Parasite. Murderer. Partly just a file in a database or was she real now? Her life never made a lot of sense but this one was to crazy even for her. And she had to face her husband soon.

Being with the Doctor you can't show him damage. Love wasn't supposed to be that way but with him nothing is normal. Your whole life have just been turned upside down. Your believes were told to be lies. You were feeling like your death was the only answer to it all. Just jumping into supernova. Easy, very easy. But still there was this man to think about. So you put on another mask. You smile even if your tears didn't dry yet. And it's what she have to do now. She was broken but she has to pretend. For him. This was harder than that time in New York. Bones will heal with time, but souls... Souls are different stories. When you do something horrible. When you kill innocent. It leaves trace. Trace that will stay with you forever. Like a scar. Oh gods she needed to talk to Rory. Immediately. Decision made she went back to the control room and chosen coordinates to her parents' house. She parked in garden, with breaks off just to have a little more time before her mother would spot them, and decided that maybe letting him know he was about to face very angry (and very Scottish) Amelia Pond was good idea after all. He will be ready to run at the spot at least.

She tried to follow Doctor's mind trace and to her surprise she could feel Sophie's too. And it was somehow familiar. Like she already felt that before. In another life. It leaded her to the room she never saw before and when she has taken a look around she became rotten to the spot. Sophie climbed a high leader leading to platform and then was trying to reach thick line attached to the ceiling. When she grasped it she jumped of the platform and practically flew through the room so fast that Rivers hearts almost stopped.

-And jump! – Doctor screamed and girl did as she was told. Landing in awaiting arms of a man.

-Whoa! That was great! Let's do it again!

He was insane! And it looked like he was allowing the child to climb and jump again. Over her dead body!

-Stop! Doctor what do you think you are doing?! Something could have happened to her! Where you thinking at all?! Couldn't you just once behave like an adult?! – she screamed at her husband.

He looked at her like deer caught in the headlights. Of course he thought she won't see them and he will get away with it. He was so shocked that she managed to sneak up on them that after a minute of dull silence it was Sophie who finally answered her questions. Sort of.

\- It's OK. I'm fine. I asked him if I could and all. Besides I'm big. I'm almost 5 now!  
\- Not for another three months. And that's not the point. He was supposed to take care of you. He was responsible for you. I trusted him with your safety.

-I know it's my fault and all but can't you scold me in private so we don't have to have a fight in front of a child?  
\- Oh I'm not going to scold you.  
\- Really? – Doctor looked up with hope in his eyes.  
-Really. We've just parked. And you are about to have a talk with my mother.  
-What?! River you can't do things like that!  
-Oh but I can. Both of you. Out.

 _Hello. I hope you all enjoyed it. I won't update this story before 29th because I want to work on my X-mass one shoots. So from this place I want to wish you all calm, peaceful and happy Christmas spend with loved ones or if you prefer with warm cup of hot cocoa and good book. ;) Have a merry time and be well._


	11. The Coolest Rory in the Universe

_A/N: Guess who? Yes (un)fortunately it's me again. After three months of silence I'm posting a new chapter. I won't be surprised if everyone who was interested already forgotten about this unfinished piece and given up on waiting for update. But if by some miracle you didn't, I hope that this chapter will earn me a second chance in your eyes. Enjoy._

*********************************************************************  
Doctor knocked hesitantly and seconds later doors were opened by young woman with flaming red hair.

-Oi! Raggedy man! What are you doing here? And who did bring along? You pick them younger and younger, don't you?  
\- I do no such things like that. Come on Pond. I know you missed me but there is no need to be all Scottish about it! I can bet my fez that you want to hug me right now my dear Amelia. – he said with a smile and true to his words woman was in his arm moments later. When the parted Doctor pointed his hand at younger girl and said.  
-By the way, this little troublemaker over here is Sophie.  
-Hey! I'm not a troublemaker! – protested the girl  
-Yes, you are. You brought that mess on us. – replied Doctor  
-So Pond would you like to go somewhere with us or something? – Doctor asked hopefully - we could even bring your husband if he promises to behave and don't get lost.  
-But Professor Song said that you will have to have a talk with her mother. – said Sophie.  
-What for? – Amelia asked suspiciously.  
-We were playing in TARDIS and Professor Song told us it was irresponsible because I was climbing… and jumping… and flying across the room… and then the Doctor would catch me and…  
\- Wait a minute. – interrupted her Amelia and addressed Doctor clearly very angry woman – What does she mean by flying across the room? Are you crazy? No, I know that you are crazy, but this is a child we are talking about! You can't endanger her. I hoped that you knew that. I thought that you would never… not after the Demons Run and Melody… put a child in a way of danger. 'Running and climbing' You were running from what? Crazy fish vampires? Or something horrible like…  
\- We were only playing! – shouted the Doctor to interrupt her because it looked like she could go on for a long time if he didn't do that. – Having fun and all. Nothing like funny adventure… I mean accidental meeting with some aliens. – he corrected himself.  
-Why did you ever taken her aboard? – asked redhead with reproach in her voice.  
\- Well it wasn't my idea. It is all your daughter doing. And she told me to take her with us, do I did.  
-Wait, what? YOU are Professor Song's mother? But how? You? And her? That's crazy. You are joking, right?  
\- No, we are not. – answered the Doctor – But this is a looong and craaazy story. You know what? Amy should tell you that story! We can all have some jammie dodgers and…  
\- Nice try, but I'm not done with you yet. You can go watch some TV – she pointed with her chin at living room. Doctor eagerly taken step in that direction. – Not you, you moron! – stopped him Amelia before hitting his arm. She dragged him to the kitchen and pushed at the nearest chair. – Sit and tell me everything. From the start.  
-The start? So there was Bing Bang. Not ours but the first one and then…  
-It's not what I meant and you know it. Answer my question.  
\- Well River died…

-Hello father dearest! Beautiful night isn't it?  
\- River? What you are doing here? We have to tell your mother soon or I'll never hear the end of it. And as unfair as it may sound I'll blame you.  
-That's not right! How could you do something like to your firstborn? Do I mean so little to you? – asked woman trying to sound wounded. – Besides she's busy with Doctor and Sophie.  
\- Well if that's the case, then how are you?  
-Good. Alive. And you are not going to ask who the Sophie is?  
-Well I didn't want to be rude. That's your other parent… So Sophie… A new companion I presume? I dare to say I hope even.  
-Why, do you want to be replaced or is it about Doctor not traveling alone?  
-Eee… Both?  
\- Well either way Sophie is really something. Little 4 year old that found her way to us.  
-And by 4 year old you mean 'I'm as old as time itself so everybody is like toddler to me' or…?  
\- 4 year old. She will be 5 in three months.  
-Well that's interesting.  
\- If by interesting you mean insane. Then yes, it is. Wait till I tell you the rest of it.  
\- There is more? Hang on a minute. River you smile and joke but you are sad. It's in your eyes. Why are you sad River?  
\- Long story short? I'm a monster dad.  
\- No, you are not. It was all brainwashing. It was them not you.  
\- It's not about the Silence. I've done… I've been doing something horrible.  
\- I doubt it. You are a hero. Like you always wanted to be. Do you remember? When you were Mels and you stole buses and have to be bailed out of jail more times that I actually went on dates through high school, you always knew you wanted to help people, make some difference in world. And I'm sure you still are that person. I also think that what you really need right now is a huge hug. Come here. You can tell me when you are ready, but for now let's just sit together.  
\- I…  
-Rory, Rory quick!  
-What's the matter Amy?  
\- Oh here you are. And you are both in big trouble. Was it so hard to go and give your old mother a decent hug as fast as you appeared? Here?  
\- Sorry, but I thought that you will have more important matters at hand.  
-Oh I know what you mean. We had a little talk, didn't we? And now as an act of gratitude for being the amazing friend that I am Doctor is taking us to the biggest Disneyland that ever have been made.  
\- Well that sounds cool. If we actually make it there. – said Rory.  
\- Oi, what's that supposed to mean Mr. Pond? I can take us there without problem.  
\- Of course you can sweetie. – interrupted them River, before their debate about Doctor timing started, and Amy used this as an opportunity to start new conversation.

\- Well aren't you excited about it Sophie?  
-I might be, in a minute. But first tell me, what exactly a Disneyland is?  
\- You never heard of Disneyland? Are you from another planet?  
\- That depends. On what planet are we exactly?  
-Earth of course!  
\- Then no, I'm not from here.  
\- So now you are traveling with 4 year old from another planet? – asked Rory. – Is she from future also?  
\- Well that's kind of relative. – Doctor answered .  
\- River always said that from some perspective everything is relative. River! I almost forgot! We have to find her!  
\- What does she mean by that? River is…  
-Lost! That's another story Amelia. Long story. And for now the three of you is going to have some fun in space Disneyland and we will find some answers. Don't worry Rory, I'd even let Ri.. her drive on our way back.  
-Rory? River told me a story about somebody called Rory. Rory the Romanian. He was cool.  
\- I don't doubt it. You think he is as cool as Doctor? – asked man.  
-Oh shut up stupid face, and you don't have to answer that kid.  
\- Well I don't know how to answer it. I'm not sure if he is as cool as the Doctor, but I know, that he is the Coolest Romanian in the whole Universe.  
-The coolest? Well that's enough for me I think. – said Rory before following little girl inside the TARDIS.


	12. Your silence is always an answer I get

When Ponds and Sophie went inside, Doctor stopped River.  
-So what did you find?  
\- Not much. That was kind of echo of me. Trapped inside that body. I guess all of me didn't fit into Library... But now that I'm back, it disappeared. It didn't belong here.  
\- Everything will be ok now, then? If it's gone we don't have to worry about searching for "other" River. Do you think we should tell Sophie?  
\- And tell her what, exactly?  
\- Well we could make something up... or not.  
\- I don't want to lie to her. And I don't remember her, I don't even know her. I wasn't there. I mean when Dorium told me about that echo I've got few memories of that life but it's just pieces and flashes. How do I explain that I'm River and yet I'm not her River. Yet still what happened to her mother was my fault.  
\- It wasn't your fault River. Like you said, you weren't there. You can't blame yourself.

River was about to respond to that but was interrupted by Amy.

\- Are you two going already or what? You are taking ages here.  
\- Well you look good for your age then Amelia. - said Doctor smiling innocently.  
\- Oi, what's that supposed to mean? You are forgetting that you are not forgive yet. I still might change my mind, and believe me you don't want this!  
\- Easy mother dear. Just ignore him. He didn't get his dose of sugar for today so he's like cranky 5 years old.  
-I'm not!  
\- Yes, you are.  
\- No, I'm not!  
\- Hush now or no dessert for you.  
\- Well can't say I needed that picture in my head. Gross. - Amy said flinching.  
\- Get your mind out of the gutter! Last thing I need is an image of you picturing that. Inside now. Both of you.  
\- Melody you don't have a right to boss me around – pouted girl but followed archaeologist inside – It's my job! I could get you grounded for that. - she added.  
\- Why does she said that? - asked Rory. River couldn't get in trouble in three minutes, right? Oh who was he kidding of course she could. More than once even.  
\- Because she's delusional. She thinks she can treat me like a child. I'm over 200 years old for heaven's sake!  
\- Well I assure you, you don't look one fifth of it.  
-Oh, Doctor have you heard that old saying about flattery?  
\- That it will get me anywhere? - he replied cheekily.  
\- Charmer.  
\- Only for you my dear.  
\- Really? What else only for me do you have to offer sweetie?  
\- And stop! In case you don't remember. I'm Rory. I'm right here. I have a sword. And I don't like where this conversation is heading.  
\- You have a sword? - asked Sophie excited by the prospect of sword fight.  
\- Yes he have, and no you can't play with it. It's not a toy. - River was first to answer, quite aware what was going inside Sophie's head.  
\- Not fun. - said little girl huffing and crossing her arms.  
\- So is life. How about that, you will go with Amy and she will tell you everything about Disneyland, ok?  
Sophie sighed dramatically but went with redhead. It went awkwardly quiet then. Both Rory and Doctor wanted to continue their conversations with River but neither got the nerve to find out who was more important. Eventually Rory was the one who break silence.  
\- I didn't knew that children that age are so chatty and witty.  
\- Neither was I. - replied Doctor and said nothing more just left the control room. But there was something in his voice. Something that told Rory that they managed to find themselves in more problems that he assumed at first. Normal day with the Doctor, isn't it?

Doctor stopped outside the room and rested his head against the wall. Something was wrong. He could feel it. The facts. You need the facts Doctor. Then it will all make sense. But where to start. The beginning. Oh yes the beginning…

So you've met a woman and she died. Then your curiosity got the better of you and you wanted to know who she was and why she died saving you, how she could knew your name. Eventually you got your answers. But they were more that you could have imagined. Not only she died because of you, but also you died because of her. And then you didn't. She loves you more than she cares about any other living thing in the universe. Sometimes it feels like she does even more than that. You love her too of course. You are not very good at loving. Loving for you means losing. She's already lost for you. There is nothing you could do. Not that it stops you from loving her even more. But then when you lest expect it, when you think your hearth healed enough to take deeper breath without missing her…  
The stubborn being that she without doubt is she comes back. Better. She comes back to you. And you couldn't be happiest. It's your own private miracle. It's amazing and impossible and you finally let your hearth hope there will be more time for you. No more back to front. No more secrets. No more lies she says. But you know it's a lie. Doctor lies and so his wife. You should have expected it. So why are you sulking? Why are you having this deep monologue that you know isn't going to help you instead of using your time with her? Because despite all, or maybe because of all that happened, you are like them when it comes to a lot of things. You are like human. You still care. You know that she doesn't need your help but you couldn't have lived with yourself knowing you didn't do anything. That means you have to find out. Even if it breaks your promise. Even if you shouldn't. She won't tell you. She won't trust you with this secret. And with every second that pass you can feel that she's running away from you. For now only in her mind, but you fear it may tear you apart for good. And that will be the death of you. When she will be back but not yours to run with, to travel with, to love. It looks like after all Melody Pond and silence will be your outdoing, but not in a way you thought it will.

\- You know something don't you? Oh Old Girl. Your daughter, even better at not answering my questions than you are. I hope you are proud of her. Who am I kidding of course you are, she's your favourite. You always help her in a way. I want to help her too. Please, please let me help her. Give me a clue. One small clue. Something that I can start with. That's all I'm asking for.

But she didn't answer. She never does. Not when there still is something he could do… That means that he didn't lose River yet. Not a clue exactly, but hope is more than enough sometimes.


End file.
